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2001-06-06 || 10:38 a.m. || dream dream dream dream || i had so many dreams last night.. it was like the events and pieces of conversation from the evening before had been rearranged, pieced together like patchwork, all ragged and frayed and sentences beginning with a completely different ending, stitched together with floss. i had a dream/nightmare about shoe shopping. all these beautiful shoes and i am trying to reach them and i can't or the printing on the price tags are fuzzy so that i cannot read them. i *hate* shoe shopping. because i have em well big feet. i have big feet. (last night we were talking about 'i look' issues vs. 'i am' issues, insecurities about appearance vs. personality. i said that if someone waved a magic wand and could get rid of one or the other, appearance issues or personality ones, i would choose appearance. i would gladly give up issues concerning bigfeettallnessmyweightiamnotlivinguptothestandardsohmygodlookatmyhair. but maybe because i don't think i have many personality insecurities, or at least not the kind that eat away and give me heart burn. not in the way appearance issues do. pathetic. he couldn't quite understand it. and i tried to imagine what it would be like to be him: 'i look in the mirror just to make sure there aren't boogers hangin out of my nose.' and although i am sure there is more to it than that.. i have seen the boy fuss with his hair and spend time figuring out what to wear, it blows my mind that he cannot understand the feeling i get when looking in the mirror sometimes and seeing my reflection and honestly being upset by what i'm seeing, oh.). and then i had a dream about the carter family. i was over at their house, all wood and full of people, and we were sitting on the porch and i was listening to the sweetness of their southern drawls (would the carter family have much of a southern drawl? i think just a bit. like johnny cash. but this is my dream dammit, i decree that they do.) and it was all warm and thick out (we are talking about the south. not in a deep way really, just in a tony's cajun spices way. i think of his family in mississippi whenever he talks about his mother. i imagine the family house his mother is planning on buying, all vines and green grass and thick sunset air. insects. screen doors.) (i am not quite finished but i have to run away for a sec and don't want to leave this unposted. i have bad luck when it comes to that sort of thing..) guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |