2002-01-22 || 2:23 p.m.

|| unanswered calls from number twenty-one. ||

last night i was looking through the cabinet of my old diaries. volume and volume and volume. i am reading number twenty-one from november 1997. it's sad. i don't recognize my handwriting. i write a lot about hiding out in my room on twenty-fourth street.

february 8, 1998: 'what do i do if i don't want to be in nineteen ninety eight or on this bus that whips around the city or in that class that makes me feel wooden and flat and tired. what if i don't want to be anywhere.'

february 12, 1998: 'my new nickname in the house is grandma because i spend my time in my room working on my quilt and drinking tea and wearing my jc penney sweaters. and i don't like to be in bed by one and i don' t drink 89-cent can of olde english with the boys and i like to lie on my couch and read. last night luke was excited because i sat in the living room and listened to dan's friend play a song they wrote. and then i went back to my room and embroidered bumble bees on the little blue patches of my quilt.'

easter sunday, 1998: 'this morning i was in the common room and i heard a cat meowing. i hoped it was a stray so that i could adopt it and i looked out the window to find it but instead i saw two men between my house and the one next to us shooting heroin. one had his pants around his ankles and was injecting himself down by his feet and the other man had a spoon and was transferring the liquid to a needle and shot himself on his upper thigh. then i moved away because i didn't want them to see me in my pajamas. i really wanted the cat.'

april 24, 1998: 'i just took a bath while the sun went down. i listened to modest mouse and watched the strip of sky in teh winodw turn gold then darken.'

april 25, 1998: 'michael alphabetizes his records. cuts off his pants at mid-calf, cuffs them, calls them clam diggers and wears them in public. likes baths. eats peanut butter sandwiches more than anything else.'

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