2002-01-26 || 6:52 p.m.

|| circular music. ||

i am not so keen on what the kids are listening to these days. i invariably end up listening to older albums. i am not all that voracious in my record buying. i think it might be because record stores are daunting and amoeba makes me hyperventilate (saturdays at amoeba equals claustrophobia heart attack, clawing at the walls and the like) and i get such bad music amnesia that i can't remember a single. thing. i have been meaning to buy, which means flip flip flipping through racks and racks and not being able to get the letters of the alphabet straight. there are several lists written on post-its and on the backs of receipts and filling the last pages of journals but they are very elusive and cunning in their efforts to keep me from spending money. and i think it's an effect of becoming solitary. i'm not living with jeffy, mad record collector 'i catalog all my records and i beat your collection by 235 so bow down, lady, or i jump on yer bed' anymore and i seem to have lost the friends that seat me on the floor next to the hi fi for the sake of listening (we could map the wandering numbers of well worn hi fi systems and patches of carpet. place little construction paper record players on a very large map. minus five to the flat in san francisco to plus five flung out all across the country. minus two to berkeley plus two to portland, minus one to berkeley plus one to philadelphia. minus one to oakland, scratch that hi fi out and place a little broken heart instead. ex-boyfriend hi fi. eek.). lack of exposure i guess. so i listen to the same things. i listen in circles. it is all very appropriate i guess because i run in circles. i live in circles.

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