2002-05-25 || 11:23 a.m.

|| dizzy with all that flapping ||

i am thoroughly stressed out. i woke up with meow meow smackin me on my face and i didn't have the 'oh what a beautiful morning' feeling. more of the 'holy shit i have a lot of things to do.' and granted, most of them are rather small and would take 1.2 hours to do, but. it makes me want to bury my head under my bed.

it feels like math homework and seventh grade. when i felt so overwhelmed and scared that i stayed up nights shivering in the fetal position.

i'm giving notice that i am moving. i have to call my landlord, which i am terrified about (why?). and. i need to start cleaning out this apartment. i think i might have to get rid of lots of books and furniture and clothes. and. the process. is dreadful. and. i need to get a goddamn smog check but i am so scared about going to a mechanic's (why?). i have a lot of presents to make. and. i have a boyfriend to not think about (still haven't cried about it. it has calcified into this little pit floating around my ribcage. it hurts. it's easily forgettable but then it starts to throb when i am driving home and when i turn out the lights and when i find something of his. this goddamn hickey that won't go away. and.). worrying about finding a new house. worrying about the fate of my sex drive, which has become a fecking t-bird. worrying about all the plans for this summer. worry worry. worry.

and this weekend is all filled up. and it will be nice. but. i feel like a hummingbird with her wings pinned to her back with safety pins.

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