2002-06-08 || 1:59 p.m.

|| evening fast forwarded to the wrong ending ||

last night falling into a serious crush. rum poured haphazardly into a can of pepsi to erase the nerviness and the shaking. perpetual blushing. being completely disarmed of any charm/power/interacting skills. watching bands amplified in a living room. having a nice quiet whispery conversation between sets with a tree in the front yard about the boy in the red jacket in the background. (tree: 'you should just walk over there and talk to him.' me: 'okay. give me some good lines. would it be all right to kiss him? maybe accidentally? i think i could get away with it. drunk enough to talk to trees is drunk enough to have a lip collision, right? hem.' tree: 'well get off me, will ya? you're crowdin me.') shooting cans in the backyard with a bb gun. mismatched glances. heart in throat. wanting to clap my hands to make the world fall into place because it's so frustrating to be this impatient.

i'm in such a hurry.

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