2002-07-21 || 4:50 p.m.

|| camping, abbreviated ||

i went camping. i went camping and couldn't stop being reminded of my father. he's baked beans from the can and dirty forks. stopping on the side of the highway to climb some treacherous non-trail to an anticlimactic trickle of water. shoes with no socks. brushing teeth with no paste. having cookies and hot chocolate for breakfast with the request we don't tell our mother.

he's stars and sky. he's the creak and shut of the wooden bathroom door late at night when you are too afraid to go alone.

we went camping. i thought i was ready to write about it but it is still all sloshing around in my head. the swimming and the freckles and smores and bell peppers and deer and twisty roads and stars.

hmmm.

(and. the boy i have a crush on is coming home tomorrow and his jacket is right here. i can smell him on it and it is making me a bit dizzy.)

(i want to write about this too but cannot for fear of spies and voodoo hexes.)

(this is all i think about. there is no camping in my head. there is boy and an airport kiss and i am waiting and biting fingernails.)

(all powers disabled. very frightened.)

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