2002-12-02 || 8:35 p.m.

|| the over-twenty-five dilemma/keith richards is not a worthwhile role model ||

tonight jq and i were lamenting the quiet malaise of the over-twenty-fives. he doesn't think he'll do music anymore because he is getting too old. 'musicians and models,' he said, deadly serious. and the thing is. he is so very incredibly good at music. the thing is. there were times when we all huddled in the gray bedroom on fulton street (oh back then. bedroom music and dinner parties and vodka splashed on the risk board), he in headphones, he amidst organ and guitars and drumset, and i could see his brain working. i could see pulsing lights and electrical connections and mathematical equations billowing from the top of his head like symmetrical smoke. this boy processes music in the most compact bare-bones surefire way. and it is so beautiful. and special. and worthwhile.

and he says he is giving it up because he's getting too old.

(he's two months into age twenty-seven.)

because nothing's happened yet.

he says he might try one more time with a 'real band,' and i ask what that means. and through telephone line and fiber optic connection i gather his definition of things happening and real bands. (i see keith richards. i see laying lots of ladies down and the band's name written electronically on billboards.)

what do you do when you are wildly talented but completely underappreciated, and unfortunately your honest secret motivation for the whole thing, mathy holy music gift or not, is very pretty girls and options for a music video on mtv2?

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