2003-01-03 || 10:16 a.m.

|| about 6'1" with a brown sweater and jaunty blue cap. ||

best friend is visiting. best friend came home in between an all day date extravaganza, shared a secret cigarette on the front porch with me, lay around in my room with a jittery date stomach ache while i knitted and talked to the cat, and then left (looking quite dapper and sharp i might add. that fellow cleans up real nice.) and neglected to come home.

which is, you know, fine.

but i woke up with a start around six and realized he had never come back. and i worried that a) i didn't hear him knocking in the event that he had come home at some point that night/early morning, and b) he was sleeping in the back of his truck, all shivery and frostbitten, or c) he had quite an all day all night all early morn date extravaganza and was somewhere somewhere.

and the mom in me, the mom/best friend/hate to mention ex-girlfriend in me is rather worried. not jealous, nope. not feeling a bit irked that he has flown the coop for a lovely bird. nope. really. it is just. a strange feeling i guess.

and he is the type to not call or leave clues as to his whereabouts. he is the type to show up two days later with stories of running into the freezing ocean in his skivvies (again.) and living on sunflower seeds and taco bell.

so i shouldn't worry. i know that. i should just wait it out and not check my phone for that message signal or crane my neck to gaze out at the corner where he might stand, waving his cap so i know that he is in one piece, all unshaven and disheveled with that dopey post-date grin/grimace on his face.

and. it is nice having him around. someone to hug for no reason a-tall. someone to move the hair off his forehead and punch him in the chest. someone to try dresses on for to tell me which one i should wear. (i miss that. my sissy and m.b. and aline: the people on this planet who will put up with my wardrobe freak out parade of outfits. this one? this one? are these pants bad? tell the truth. sigh.) so. dear friend, please come back or send messenger pigeon with clues to your whereabouts. the mommy genes are pulsing with worry and car crash scenarios.

yours,

j.a.h.

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