2003-03-07 || 12:17 a.m.

|| thursday night with the windows open ||

1. tonight i saw the american version of 'the ring.' and while trying not to spoil parts for those unfamiliar? but you know the horse part? that was honest to godly the most disturbing thing i have ever seen. ever. please don't hurt my horses. (why is it always thirty-thousand times more upsetting seeing animals get hurt in the movies than the people? i have wondrous friends who understand such things and know to shield my eyes when the particularly hairy is projected.) and the way i was crying about it. brian had to pause it so i could properly express my trauma. it was like standing in the kitchen and finding out someone had died, i was so upset. thank you for not letting me see that in the cinemah.

2. we were looking at old pictures. i realized i could make a pretty penny on ebay with never before seen behind the music band photos. becky and i went through our respective boxes, trying to track the finest changes in the past five years: different couches and haircuts and roommates and boyfriends and cats. sigh. ps. why was 1997 so effing perfect?

3. whilst on such a liesurely stroll down the ol memory lane, i pulled out my diary from when i was 10. i had an imaginary boyfriend, whose name (danny genarro) is written in black magic marker all over the inside covers. ahem:

date: 3-29-87 weather: HOT!

Dear Diary,

Everything went ok. My new image is good. I was cool but quiet. I think Michelle does like me. We talked about Baryshnikov and how he's a babe. Robert broke his wrist. Jaime's going with him. I'm staying away from mom + dad that's a part of my new image. I want new clothes. I want a prairie skirt in time for Easter.

and then i signed it with my full name and drew in the 'gotcha' and 't&c' brand surfboard logos. jesus.

oh and one more:

July 1, 1988

Dear Gwendolynne,(at some point i took to pretending i was writing to my fictitious cool older sister.)

Thank God it's Friday. Mom and Dad and Kelly hasn't gotten any presents for me. None. I sucked the information out of Kelly. God, no presents. Tomorrow's the party for me. Sorry this is all yesterday's news. You know, Mom doesn't know a lot of things about me. One, I shave, two, I am very interested in boys and I do plan to kiss and date a boy before 16, three, I wear light make-up to school and will keep wearing make-up to school and social events, four, I wear Mom and Dad's clothes to school (mostly Dad's and shirts only)and I guess oh! wait, five, stay up late all the time, six, I have looked through Playboy magazine, seven, I do believe in ghosts, goblins, monsters, demons, you know oh ya, I think she knows this, I'm afraid of the dark. I guess that's all. oh.

4. brian and i were thinking of funny things from your childhood that forever stick with you. like his ballet make-up lady (mmhmm. my beloved roommate was at one time the effing nutcracker for the san francisco ballet. boom.) showed him the way with a different hairstyle. julie harris told me in the fourth grade that you're not supposed to wear black with navy blue and it took me 15 years to get over that. paul l used to call me ski slope nose. in seventh grade a teacher was telling us about how back in biblical times men would trade livestock for a wife, and he said to this goodfornothing very mean and blonde surfer boy cameron, 'see, you could trade three of your chickens to marry jennifer here,' and cameron replied, in front of a jury of my peers, 'i'll keep the chickens.'

ladies and gentlemen: apparently in 1988 i was not worth three chickens. and dear sweet lord help me, i am a very strong lady for all the torture circa 1985-1993, but i still wish genital warts and eternal busboydom in a tgifriday's in dana point on that effing bastard cameron.

5. the horses!! ! !

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