2003-10-12 || 10:21 p.m.

|| predictions for number thirty-four ||

terribly sick today, i swear it. returning to bad habit of reading old journals. finding volumes 31 through 33 (33 was just finished today, filling all the blank spaces of the last few pages with pep talks and forecasting surrounded by dotted lines and old directions to places of interest in los angeles, abandoned art project ideas, quotes by o while on mini-tours as roadie/chauffeur) are particularly painful to read. painful in an embarrassingly afterschool special way, maybe starring a young helen hunt or henry thomas way, but painful nonetheless. pain over boyfriends. pain over ex-boyfriends. pain over getting back briefly with ex-boyfriends to edit said title only to rescind again. pain over lack of Life Progress. pain over mood swings and false starts and. admittedly. 99.6% boy woes.

i always try to track progress. a curving line toward Maturity and Figuring Things Out. for what it's worth my handwriting has not changed in seven years, there are always at least two games of MASH scribbled in the last pages, and it doesn't look like i've figured much out.

i already cast three spells for number 34 to reveal something terribly exciting and adventurous and admirable.

for 34: making plans (really this time.). getting to see a best friend very very happy with a new ladyfriend, which is so nice. having my sister around to adore unabashedly, unless she takes that job on an alaskan fishing boat that will forever attribute the characteristic of 'swarthy.' secret trip to a certain place where there's this real nice boy to kiss on.

ungh.

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