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2004-02-23 || 7:47 p.m. || all that water. || i am spending all writing energy of late on letters. letters to sisterdear (drunken with lots of appendices) and letters to bestfriend (moony and nostalgic) and letters to grammy (a completely different voice that is somehow wearing pearls, somehow has it very together in the stories she chooses to share). this morning i went to the therapista and had a good breakdown. assisted breakdowns are lame. didn't want to cry so my chin wobbled off my face and i said 'i don't know' twenty times over. usually i am able to keep it together until i close the door behind me, walk out to my car, and proceed to bawl a little bit. it is like the icebergs in my head are being knocked apart and i have to drain all that water. and i wallow around in it for a day, with the walruses and narwhals and deepsea unloved, and then i feel better. get my sea legs. today i came home with the antarctic feeling and promptly took a nap to have a terrible dream about my mother. o the analyzing. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |