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2004-05-12 || 1:53 p.m. || habit || it's just getting stuck in all those circular patterns and trying timidly to break out of them. being caught in one of those hedge-walled garden mazes and looking for some shears but falling back to sit around in the corners, to hang up framed pictures in the dead ends and lie around listening to those charged songs that have taken most significant importance. ungh. cigarettes and morning coffee on the balcony, afternoon tea, the same route home day after day. i called him at noon as is my habit and instantly realized it was a mistake. the clean break healing period is a new awkward thing to me. i like to baby broken birds/fight tooth nail and telephone in these sorts of situations. i am not used to sitting patiently to watch the way hedges grow into their own patterns, leading to a snarly way out. i am awful awful sorry. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |