2004-06-30 || 3:00 p.m.

|| KELLY HAND, REPORTING IN ||

seriously. do these things happen to anyone else? i went to a pre-rodeo honky-tonk on saturday night with a couple of people i know from town. we listened to something Kornish and drank beer on the way there. we arrived in augusta at midnight and fumbled over barbed wire fences to descend upon a sight i have never seen before. the town of one block and four bars was littered with crumpled bud light cans and tight wranglers. people were two steppin' to goddam def leppard. i thought to myself "when in rome" and ordered a bud light. i sat outside with some guy named john who kept complaining he was overdressed. john cougar mellancamp came on. we both looked at each other, raised our beers and sang out "I got my first real six string! bought it at the five and dime!!blah blah do do do those were the best days of our lives!" it was great i fucking air guitared that shit. anyway this is where things get interesting. now pay attention because i really want to understand what happened. so john was kinda weird so i went into a bar and spotted a sort of cute boy near a table. i sat at the table and watched the packed bar explode with drunk westerness. he had a friend that kept checkin me out but wasnt very hot. i went up to them and asked where they were from. hot boy said wisconsin and not so hot said new york. they were biologists working with bears! we bonded instantly and talked until the bar closed. finally! i thought. someone who speaks my language! not so hot (scott) gave me his phone number and i gave him mine and we made plans to hang out sometime soon. i went home feeling like i finally found some people to hang out with and although only four hours before i was scourning my calendar for mocking me with another month to go, I wanted to stay forever! i had friends! i went to sleep in my trailer and awoke the next morning. rodeo day!! i got dressed and headed back to augusta for the rodeo. sweet home alabama was playing on the loud speaker as i entered the rodeo grounds and i chuckled to myself about the likeness to the beginning of joe dirt. i walked around snapping photos of bull riding and calf roping and miss rodeo montana and horseshit. i half heartedly looked for my new friends but was thoroughly enrapt in the events playing out all around me, the soundtrack still sounding an awful lot like joe dirt. then all the sudden i spotted scott. my new friend!! i sat in the seat next to him and exclaimed hello!!automatically something was strange. he sort of made small talk but was acting weird. all the sudden a lady came over and wedged herself between us. i had taken her seat. oh geez. he did not introduce me, nor say another word to me the rest of the time. she even left for a minute and he still said nothing. i made a comment about something and laughed and he just kind of smiled at me. then they both got up and left! i was just sitting there clutching my backpack and feeling like a goddam idiot(again?). did i have a booger hangin? am i ugly? oh shit i wore a cowboy shirt to a rodeo, is that lame? its my fucking pigtails. my hair is too short for pigtails. jesus kelly. they came back and squeezed past me. i got up and walked as dignified as possible past them although my dreams of friendship were melting away and loneliness settled back in. i left the rodeo and drove home sadly wondering why these things happen to me. now im alone again at my trailer drawing bad pictures of birds and watching pride and prejudice. if you have any advice let me know.

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