2004-08-17 || 5:04 p.m.

|| my littlest uncle. ||

gabi and nicole came up on sunday. mum and dad drive up tomorrow and kelly flies up on thursday and grandma and uncle jim and uncle john and aunt peggy and aunt judy and uncle rich and kim and beth and all the cousins are making their way from chicago. all the arrangements have been delayed because anthony was on a field trip in mexico when it happened and it's a matter of his getting back to find a note and a plane ticket at a front desk, maybe with someone looking sheepish offering condolences and luggage.

my mum's side of the family rallies around this sort of thing. all of the various chapters are called and they make their way to the airport, make futile attempts at bereavement rates, and cross the country to go through the ritual. the wake is on thursday and the rosary is on friday and the funeral is on saturday. it's the in between that makes it horrifying. the sitting around in the house where uncle nick died and noticing how old auntie joanne looks and how she was the one you'd always suspect would keep it together. maybe her rings will be off or she'll refuse to sleep in her own bed or she won't sit in the kitchen to watch sports on tv like the rest of us. i am dreading that part. and seeing my cousins go through what happens to be my worst nightmare. i know they love their dad like i love my dad and i am hoping that having my dad next to me on the leather couch in the kitchen, somehow touching by way of elbow or hand or head on shoulder, will make things a little easier. for selfish selfish me at least.

uncle nick was my godfather but i always had to remind him of the fact. he was a doctor and would hide out in the basement to smoke while all of our family took over his house above him and was small with buddy holly glasses and handed out shots and ear piercings in the kitchen and drove too fast and his daughters always marveled about how he didn't age, how it looked like he'd be the one to be around forever.

it's funny how you think about something on a friday and it comes true on a sunday.

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