2005-02-15 || 3:10 p.m.

|| crooked rain crooked rain ||

this day has been horrifically slow. i have been listening to an audio story about lady pirates with the space heater cranked up and the rain pounding at the sky light. it's one of those days weighed down by a malaise, and when i walked around the block to get my lunch i had to retrace my steps around the malaise maze to find what was causing the feeling: this and that and that. wanting more than anything to call it a day to walk to the bus stop to wait in the rain to soak the hems of my pants in puddles to take the bus to 9th to walk home. to sleep.
remember how marvelous it was to be little and encouraged to build forts on days like this. asking for help to get out the card table and craft igloo walls with afghans and quilts. padding the floor with pillows and imaginary huskies and saint bernards and lying down, content, to listen to mum on the phone mere feet/icebergs away.
maybe the main reason i want children so badly is that it's the closest to being one myself.

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