2005-07-20 || 11:21 p.m.

|| the psychic connection!! ! ! ! ||

this morning i celebrated my last day of unemployment (at least in the immediate future. do employers mind scuffed shoes and disorderly hair-dos?) by watching my man montell. i personally think he is something of a pompous ass, but silvia brown was on and i cannot resist the talons and bad posture and flippant psychic advice, however sketchy. for someone whose books are owned by my family members, she does not impress me on the tv the way good john edward or james van praugh (i am taking serious spelling liberties.) do. anyhow. many of the people in the audience were asking about family members and friends who have passed and whether they are around, and each time silvia exhaled exasperatedly and said things like 'was she a big woman? with broad cheekbones? and dark hair?' (to an audience member who was a big woman with broad cheekbones and dark hair) or 'did she chew on her cheek like this?' (which was an exciting personal detail that i am sure made another audience member pee a little bit) and always ending with, in that slightly annoyed tone, 'well (s)he's right behind you.'
after i had enough i turned off the tv and walked around and thought about joe. was he ever right behind me? if i went to silvia, would she say 'does he have the most dreamy blue eyes? does he dance like a soul angel? does he tend to wear slightly high-watery pants? he's shimmying right behind you, dumb ass.' and i thought about calling brian because i vaguely remember having a conversation in which we agreed to utilize all television psychic personalities possible to bug joe over there on the other side. i don't think crossing over is on anymore, but how i fantasize about the pilgrimage. i would stuff my bag with TGIF frozen potato skins and fancy beer and brian could smuggle in a boombox with his various joe-related mix tapes and we would assault joe with all the vim and vigor available to us mortals. and john or silvia or james would fall to their knees and weep over all the righteous love and psychic amazingness.
i think of him a whole lot. this morning i asked him to make the faucet leak a little while brushing my teeth, but he must have been busy picking the cilantro out of whatever salad they serve in heaven.

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