2007-03-28 || 10:35 a.m.

|| part of a trip to san francisco ||

a whirlwind tour through the bay area kept leaving me confused of where exactly i was: portland and san francisco and oakland and orange county all somehow running together, when while looking out of a plane or a friend's car or the bart train i expected to see parts of each place just over hills, sewn together like a patchwork quilt. from the route of the bart train from airport to north berkeley, oakland was all concrete and delapidated buildings, sad in that neglected way that makes me shut up and just watch out the window. i got the kelly time i wanted: sitting side by side at the laundromat, making dinner decisions in the grocery store, taking a nip of liquorange in the back of her truck because we couldn't wait to try it. we tore her houseboat apart by trying on each other's clothes and finding something to eat, playing karaoke and kell strumming her guitar trying to come up with a song we could both sing.

i got to sing with owen in portland and san francisco. after eight or nine years of seeing him play, it felt odd to be standing among a sold-out crowd with fewer than a dozen familiar faces. five or six years ago, when we all lived here, when we gave up our friday nights to buy a ticket for what was basically a transplanted living room party, you could look in any direction and make eye contact and run in for a hug. the people i knew for the most part stood in a clot in the front of the stage, and i couldn't help making stupid faces at them between songs. because it was so odd. i felt old and different. a visitor rather than a resident.

one night i got to stay with brian, intending to cram in everything i miss about him in a four-hour period: boggle, cable, shit talking, good talks, sitting out on the porch to watch oakland at night. we stood on his deck for a bit and i went off schedule by embarking on a stoney journey that made me pass out briefly and fall with my head hitting a planter box. when i came to we went inside so that i could pass out briefly and fall on his bed (a much nicer destination). this is why i don't do drugs. we played boggle, and i gave an embarrassing speech on my thoughts on marriage, and lovely brian sat on his couch and cooed to his cat. the next morning i got perfect brian coffee and we went out to breakfast and stopped at a few thrift stores: my favorite brian outing.

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