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2000-12-06 || five sixteen pee-emm || last night i was in a snow globe || humm. last night i was caught in a snowglobe: i am making enchiladas for the first time. i make them with green sauce in the kitchen on mcgee street. i call to my cat, who is in the living room ignoring me, while i warm up each tortilla, drown it in sauce, roll it up with cheese. m is screenprinting tape covers for the cassingles at the kitchen table. j and c are playing guitar in the living room, singing beautifully, making things up, finding harmony. those too make beautiful music so effortlessly. c is a beautiful singer. seems too young to yodel like slim whitman, but i have always felt is really an old leathery man in disguise. i put the enchiladas in the oven, dismayed by the switch to change the temperature, which melted some time ago. it breaks off in my hand. we decide to wing it. stewart the other cat comes in, climbs on my shoulder while i heat up the refried beans. he plays with the end of the scarf i have tied on my head, makes me a little nervous wrestling above the stove. but i am a bad reckless mom and let him do it. i mock fight with m. he gives ultimatums, i don't answer, just dance with stewart the cat to the music coming from the living room. the people upstairs begin fighting. the music stops for a second. everyone huddles in the kitchen to make out whether they are killing each other. they aren't. i hug j and try to pick him up. he tries to pick me up. my head hurtles toward the ceiling. it makes me dizzy and nervous and embarrassed that he feels all my weight. i say i am a big girl. they go back to playing music. m folds black paper, adds more white to his gocco set. i go out to the living room to make friends with my cat and smoke a cigarette. i am wearing plaid pants. a yellow scarf with polka dots, the kind that is very sheer, that old women wear when they go out in to the elements after getting their hair done, is wrapped around my hair. i feel like a shirley. and at this time, for all i care, the world outside us could crumble. could dissolve into fake plastic snow and fall just outside the window. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |