2001-04-11 || 10:50 a.m.

|| the shop windows aren't haunted. it's just that i seem to be a ghost. ||

there are shop windows set at funny angles on this street and when i pass them my reflection never shows up. there is the girl walking in the crosswalk beside me, the back of the man waiting at the stoplight, the expanse of the empty street bracing itself for more cars to come through. and i am no where to be found. as if i didn't really exist.

this must be what it feels like to be a vampire.

i have gotten into the habit of wearing colors. there was a long time where i only wore black, i think because i was hoping that wearing black, wearing shiftless shapeless things, would keep me from showing up in reflections. would keep me just outside the general periphery. but now: i am wearing my new favorite knee-length red coat. brown pants. green sweater. my new green beanie: forest green with lime green bumps, like a replica of the hill behind my house, eucalyptus trees and spring saplings and a haunted house just above my left ear.

but i still wasn't showing up in the window this morning.

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