2001-04-26 || 10:14 a.m.

|| out, damned spot. out i say. ||

oh. man. catastrophe hit apartment twenty last night. lesson number one: do not leave little tubes of paint scattered about on the floor for extended periods of time. you will grow used to them being there. lesson number two: watch where you are stepping. especially if you are an accident-prone oaf who really should know better. lesson number three: when you have to step on a tube of paint, when it cannot be avoided any longer, choose a color close to that of your carpet. note that carmine red does not have much in common with turquoise. go with a nice innocuous light green. lesson number four: after you have stepped on the tube, after it has burst onto the carpet, do not keep walking. this leaves carmine foot prints, which you will curse later, i promise. three spots are triple the trouble. just forget about the one footprint by the kitchen. no one looks over there, anyway. lesson number five: do not inadvertently smush the paint into the carpet by trying to mop it up. add water and dilute it a bit first maybe. be careful not to spread it around in your crazy frenzy. lesson number six: too much soap and your carpet will foam foam foam, pink foam at that, and it will take twenty-seven trips to the kitchen sink to get enough water to get the soap out. by trip nineteen you're stopping to take coffee breaks, when a quick pick-up is essential. lesson number seven: do not give up when it looks kind of okay under the light. it is night time and one of the light bulbs has burnt out. everything looks good under that light. you look like a goddamned prom queen, look at you, and you're all sweaty and hunched over like quasimoto. lesson number eight: sure it looks kind of okay. now. except for the pink foam problem. just wait until the morning when you wake up with a jerk to check out the damage and find that two pink, carmine, rather, boils are festering, foaming, growing like twin blobs on your lovely carpet. don't cry. don't feed them anything. make plans to buy the best carpet cleaner money can buy. make calculations of how you can cover them up with furniture, a plant maybe; how much your deposit is vs. how much the carpet is worth, which has plenty of stains on it any way. didn't you write that up on the rental agreement when you first moved in to cover these sort of mishaps? 'stains on carpet' and 'nail holes on walls?'

i can see them from here. spreading their foamy arms and legs. swallowing the bed and writing desk, looking for house pets and small children.

fucking carmine.

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