2001-06-01 || 3:44 p.m.

|| there is this really bad analogy to math equations. and then a really bad analogy to woody allen. and i am sorry, alvie singer, for taking your name in vain. ||

word of advice: it is very difficult at times to have an ex-boyfriend-slash-best friend and a boyfriend at the same time. in the same galaxy. it is especially difficult when boy one makes it abundantly clear that he never wants to meet/see/hear about boy two. it is especially difficult to keep boy two from feeling a bit uneasy about that, from developing a complex over the fact that you are spending a lot of time with boy one who doesn't want anything to do with boy two. it is exhausting, a very complex equation, where one factor is cancelled out by another, where the fractions don't add up, where someone is bound to get slighted or jilted or reduced to 0. hem.

i am dropping off ex-boyfriend/best friend at the airport. he buys me overpriced dinner. we talk in earshot of isolated passengers waiting to board their planes, paying too much attention to their pint glasses while listening very intently. we sound like a couple. we are bickering and slapping each other and laughing at nothing. we play a game of 'fantasy hot tub.' (best friend's invention, where you choose any ten people to be in a hot tub with you. (it's funny. in the same way 'blind date' is funny. in a tragic mountain dew way. just go with it.) ) and i think of good ones: stephen hawking. my great grammy. and i say 'i would have you and the boyfriend in the same hot tub. and you would be talking and laughing and wearing very small swimming trunks.' and it didn't go over so well. but that was my fantasy and i went back to eating airport food.

for some reason i think this can work. i think of woody allen. woody allen makes these things work. woody allen fictitious characters make these things work. ex-husbands are good friends with ex-wives are good friends with present wives. well sometimes.

maybe best friend is an alvie singer and i can't just throw him into some other movie. it has been predetermined. like how i like wearing ties.

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