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2001-07-05 || 12:48 p.m. || i am so mad my sister and i are 500 miles apart because hot diggety we could be eating gelato right now. || tuesday night i was lying in my hallway because that is the only place, if i keep very still, elbows poised taking shallow breaths, that my phone will come in without being so staticky that i feel like i am calling from the moon. i was talking to my sister. we were talking about the possibility of her moving here. the possibility of us living together. and i told her i wasn't sure about having roommates again, how i have become accustomed to living alone (bathroom door open, always; makeshift laundry line in the kitchen drooping from the weight of wet underwear; various projects in piles on the carpet; four-month old food in the fridge.), and didn't she think we would like each other much better if we lived in the same city but had separate apartments? and we started talking about last summer when she lived with me for three months. kelly worked at shoe biz on haight and i worked at the blasted dotcom on market. kelly and a boy became inseparable and i would only see her every once in a while to watch survivor and eat vegan dinners and lie in the dark (i on my bed, kelly on plaid couch) and curse her two cats and my one, who had all become strangely possessed that summer, sent to destroy all toilet paper and tampons in the apartment, run in circles at three in the morning, shred my dreamy recliner in to pieces). i was having boy problems (blast the hip-hop ex-boyfriend.) and was thoroughly freaked out by my absent roommate's mom, who had neatly pushed me out of plans to stay in the apartment on santa clara avenue in three days flat. but kelly and i were talking about it and it was so funny to hear her take on it: i was absolutely neurotic. she thought she had a worrying problem. i am moody. remember when i cried because i was afraid the cats running around at night would get us evicted? and we went over different scenarios. how each of us reacted to them. and then we went over ancient scenarios. and it was like a therapy session right there lying on my belly in the hallway.. and i can't imagine going through life without my sister, a sibling..this is another entry altogether.. but it is so nice, so essential almost, to be able to go through life with another person right there next to you. to bear witness to the time you couldn't talk for yourself at the dentist's and how you used to not be able to order pizza because it was so scary for some reason and the time you were flunking out of seventh grade and the hell bus of junior high and the time you were sure you were gay because you didn't like boys at all but wait you didn't like girls either. to bear witness to all these every day things and see them from a completely different angle. to be inside your head and outside at the same time, bouncing memories off each other, letting me coming to wild conclusions and epiphanies right there during a $2.10 phone call. i love my kelly. i am sorry i am neurotic. i am sorry i always make you be big sister. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |