2001-09-24 || 5:17 p.m.

|| i am. a. waste of time. ||

i am trying to figure out. if it is all the sleep, the lying in slept-in clothes, the slumping over and hugging pillows and not getting outside that is making me feel this way (i am lying on carpet in the lucky knee socks. my hair has taken on the shape of sleep memories. my head hurts and i feel funny but it could be because there is nothing to drink in the apartment.). or if it was the callinsicktowork curse where on the stroke of 7:24, at the precise moment i have hung up from the scratchy voice left on work voice mail, my body promptly packages up the guilt to release it as congestion fireworks. bee bees to the back of the throat. zeppelins of cotton and fiberglass to the head, oh.

whiney whiney whine.

to do for today: get outta bed. take shower. go to the store for food and orange juice and beloved dimetapp. find that story i want to fix up. work on said story. cry at brilliance of said story. work on wee book that will be ready for tour in october. write letters to grandmums, because you should always have that on yer to do lists.

what i did today: slept four extra hours. walked to donut store with devastating bedhead to get two bottles of orange juice and a glazed old fashioned. went back to bed. watched a good make-over on sally. slept for two hours. watched passions. tried to watch the rest of afterlife (good movie!) but fell asleep in middle. woke up in time to cry at the end of afterlife. got the awful thought of dying and having absolutely no accomplishments to show for myself. checked email. no email. made hot cocoa. dialed exboy's number against better judgement. left incredibly stupid message about crossing over with john edward (i love. this show. it is supernatural, you know.). watched crossing over with john edward. cried over crossing over with john edward. sat at window with cat (in a very uncharacteristically tender moment. meow's such a bitch.) to watch rain fall, which lasted exactly two point seven minutes. checked email. checked refrigerator again just in case there is 7-up or a cold bud hiding behind moldy tofu and empty wine bottle. played free cell. checked email.

tah dah.

maybe i take shower now.

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