2001-10-03 || 2:36 p.m.

|| oh anxiety. ||

(i think i am on the verge of an anxiety attack. i feel it in there, pickin up the weaker weather systems and worries and naggy parts, the jagged edged ones and sticky parts, growin strong and inching towards pulling the alarm that disconnects the optic nerve, sets adrenalin throttle to overdrive, makes me jitter and sweat and ready to pass out.)(it's like i thought a very uncomfortable thought and now i can't remember what it was that caused this feeling. i am running through the stack of images/thoughts that have been runnin through me for the past hour - is this the one? this? what do you make of this? all rorscach-like and clinical. and it isn't any of them i don't think. a chemical combination maybe. all this excitement and the latey late night conversation with my sister yesterday, whom i love heaps and heaps and universes and cosmic planes by the way, and the incessant perpetual boy drama i am futiely trying to keep under wraps and needing to get so much done and. and.)(but i want it to stop. i want to exhale and dispell all the mosquitoes in there.)(it's quite uncomfortable.)

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