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2001-10-24 || 11:16 a.m. || and he was really into clickitat ikatowi. and he built himself a theramin. but he was the type of boy that always had to show you up. and his kisses were a bit sloppy. || my first boyfriend. dates to the roller rink and skeletones shows in anaheim and late night dinner at norm's. a kiss in the dark in my front yard: 'i taste like tapioca.' and skipping to the front door to close it silently behind me, lean against it, and fall to the floor like something out of a 50's gidget movie (hands to heart, face flushed, lips all bee stung and bitten). going to his house after school to sit on his bed while he played the bass and sang songs. standing in the dark in his bathroom so that he could show me his glow in the dark voodoo glowskulls seven inch (oh. man.). feeling the air all electric and thick and him just to the side of me, somewhere by the sink, invisible heat coming off his brown cardigan sweater. getting kicked out of harbor house for not ordering anything and sitting on the curb in the parking lot with his punk rock friends: levi 16 and always drunk, john tall and blond and willowy with scars always on his hands, black hoodies and dickies pants and the rattle of wallet chains. i always wore dresses. i always wore black old lady shoes. i was always on the very end of the curb, boy boy boy girl duck duck duck goose, the girlfriend, stifling yawns and slow to respond to cryptic jokes and suggestions to find alcohol. but in the car there were kisses. furtive touching while stopped at red lights. (this is where it started. at this point on the timeline. something inside very deep was waking up. a kernel blooming blooming and generating heat, spreading out across the chest and surging to the fingertips. lust and longing and the need for sexy underwear. but we were both too shy to act on it. always vertical, never horizontal. always wrapped in sweaters smelling faintly of st. vincent de paul.) making out in the school parking lot and always always being late for my first class. sitting together in the cafeteria. handholding on stairs. he had beautiful curly hair, like an angel, dyed black. he was tall and spoke japanese. he got mad at me for not wanting to go see gwar. he showed up to school one day with his head shaved bald under a beanie and i didn't say anything because i didn't want to make a big deal of it, but i think that was the beginning of our undoing. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |