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2001-11-01 || 1:58 p.m. || cry cry cry. || hmm. something is not right. electrical problems and expected delays and a build-up in the tunnels. in need of a good cry. it's leaking in funny places, on the walk home last night while passing princesses and skeletons and tiny bears holding dads' hands. lying curled up on blue carpet and meow meow eyeing me suspiciously (a long time ago when we cried minnie used to station herself on our chests or up against our heads and give us catmom warmth and reassuring licks to the face. there theres and clucks of the tongue and a magical purr to quiet us down.). misfiring answers to disconnected questions on the phone. off and on and off and on boy drama that makes me feel like i haven't slept in weeks. newsweek articles on bioterrorism and our weak defense system and 'imminent attacks' and. i have that week before your birthday feeling. where you just want everything to go smoothly. please god don't let me get hit by a bus or come down with a mysterious illness. please let me live until whatever day it is that the party's on. terribly selfish but so intense in feeling. i have it. please god don't let anything bad happen. please don't let anyone die or anything get blown up. i just want to be in love and have babies and take feeling safe for granted again. and it's so silly. but i am sitting in the chinese restaurant at lunch and i'm writing a letter to m and reading my newsweek (don't let me do that anymore. i am serious.) and i start crying all over my sweet and sour vegi-chicken. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |