2002-01-07 || 11:22 p.m.

|| what was it? sideways to the next ho? ||

oh. funny. i think i have a migraine. i can't see straight. it's off just enough to make me a bit dizzy, ready to set my head on the desk and close my eyes. my brain feels swollen. i am thinking about drilling a hole to alleviate the pressure.

if i had a hole in my head would you stick a long stemmed flower in it so that i could whiz about like one of them new vw bugs? i can color coordinate. i can be spritely.

hrm. migraines. it hurts just a little, it makes me feel funny a lot.

tonight i drank walgreen's grape soda and blanket stitched my way into oblivion, into eye twitchy dizziness (it is all for you, fair molly achren.). i had very nice talks on the phone with michael and my sister. i told them both about hanging out with the hip hop ex-boyfriend tonight:

it's funny to find yourself in the exact same places as a few years ago but in a completely different context. sutter station and pints and chairs being stacked on tables at 7:30 at night. we sat at the bar and lay our lives out. his plans and schemes and my plans and schemes and what we're not happy with and what we are happy with and it was so nice. hello, this is my life. this is what i am doing now. what do you think about this? two years ago we would have been playing pool and smoking pot in alleys, now we are talking about the pursuit of true love and life goals and how old we are getting. i pinch you out of habit. you talk about big tits. i got this crazy new perspective, seeing us sitting together in the mirror above the bar. it was so nice to talk to you like that ('why didn't we ever go to this bar when we'd walk up battery to work in the morning? smoking cigarettes and squinting at sunlight and it would have fit in so well, you and me drinking tequila sunrises at 8 in the morning.'). that was a funny time. and sitting in that bar with you tonight it all magnetized into great meaning and hooray we are brilliant friends, we are, and i feel very fortunate to get to this spot right now. the arm wrestling shit calling pull no stops i need to talk to you, what do you think about this?

i want to write more about this. i am not doing it justice. but. i am going to close my eyes now.

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