2002-02-22 || 11:04 a.m.

|| the word is r e l a t i o n s h i p ||

you think: perhaps these feelings are inherent in the word, a simple product of this particular combination of vowels and consonants. the worry and wondering and brief flashes of complete happiness. it's nothing personal. you can look it up in the dictionary and find its derivations. its products. this is how it is for everyone who uses the word. the handwriting might be different but it's all spelled the same.

you think: if you were to hear of the word involving two other people, you would easily draw conclusions and offer advice of the other fish in the sea variety. you would use such phrases, the lofty vowel/consonant combinations, as 'move on' and 'you deserve better.' you would point to the combinations and products thereof (on a blackboard perhaps, written in chalk, illustrated with mouths smiling with perfect teeth and various boys you secretly have crushes on) and smile and say, 'it is simple. this word does have multiple combinations, depending on the involved variables. a + b. a + c. in this case, you (me, really.) + him (him) = some kind of imaginary number not existing in nature, only in textbooks. flipping to the appendix it becomes clear this particular product spells rocky ground, spells wringing hands and confusion. it is an unstable number not easily divided or added too. it is a tricky one, this imaginary one, that changes constantly.

you think: math and spelling always came so easily.

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