2002-03-15 || 9:32 p.m.

|| past power lines and clear sky and dark. ||

hmm. i am sitting here feeling feelings and trying to figure out their roots (roots like teeth roots like trees strong and snarled and i want to put my hands around them, i want to see if i could feel the life surging inside. xylum and blood cells. chemicals and memory.) and with one breath i am let's wait and see and with another i am counting and eyeing suitcases, severed ties, loose threads, dirty laundry.

i am always worried about The Future. i am consumed by the idea of being On Track. i think in five year intervals, choose your own adventures; i am worried about being on the wrong page.

maps come up. the shapes of states. dotted lines. family trees branching out to include friends and other galaxies.

this is just any other night. i am going to forget this night. i am going to forget these feelings i am having.

and then i will sit on a bus much like the one i watched pass me tonight and i will get a flash of memory, quite uncomfortable, and it will set me to stop on sidewalk just to look up past power lines and clear sky and dark. and worry.

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