2002-11-12 || 5:51 p.m.

|| 'thums up' ||

we are talking about rearranging furniture and i just scared the cat away with my sneezes and in my room there is a tulip sitting in an indian cola bottle that reads 'thums up' in blue and red.

it feels as though there's a cold front settling in.

there was a certain time about a year ago when i feel like i was alone all the time. alone at lunch times, walking up and down sidewalk with my peacoat all up over my ears, alone in my apartment with the ironing board out and tomato soup simmering on the stove. it wasn't a bad time. i was just alone a lot. not much music. just cold cold nights.

i woke up this morning with a half-hour of undercovers time left. it was warm in my room and i lay sideways on my bed, trying to find new patterns in the wood paneling and waiting for the sun to come up. (and today on the way home i walked a ways with a boy and couldn't help feeling the movieness of it, the awkward pauses and wintery clothes and the way i held my sissy's cd folder like books to my chest.)

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