2003-03-18 || 10:10 p.m.

|| pins and needles rattles and nerves crispins and glovers ||

i feel very very rattled and nervy and i very much hate feeling rattled and nervy because i am fairly certain it is taking minutes off my life. i can hear my heart ticking them off. and i'll forget for a while and then move around just enough for it to awaken and have to stop (tick tick tick) and remember: oh, yes. sometimes i am nervy and rattled for no good reason other than the everflowing trickle of social anxiety or msg or caffeine or the backdrop of war and duct tape and impending doom. sometimes bad things happen. sometimes small things happen and they are just enough to slip under my fingernails and into my bloodstream to help the heart count tick tick tick.

i didn't wish my parents a happy anniversary on the day of their anniversary. i got an awful electronic note from an exboyfriend that somehow unintentionally made me cry at my desk and in the office of my boss. i saw the movie willard and although sir crispin glover is so incredibly minutes-stealing foxxxxy (cannot wait to go to bed and lie in the dark and think crispin thoughts)(crispin has freckles crispin has clear eyes like blue marbles crispin why don't you take off that suit and stay a while?) all those rats and frustration do not help matters.

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