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2003-04-28 || 1:45 p.m. || oh to be dainty and within the confines of normal sizes || i need to buy shoes for a wedding. i would like black high heeled pointy ones, very classy and with-it, but i have a desperate fear of buying shoes in real live shoe stores. on account of having just large enough to be somewhat abnormal sized feet. the week before seventh grade, 1987: my mummy is taking me shoe shopping. being a size 8 and a rather small bird-like lady, mummy does not understand the pain that comes along with being a 5-foot-8 size-11-shoe all around awkward 12-year-old. we are beaten down at every shoe store and mummy quietly decides to 'just look' at the old lady shoe store (for some reason old ladies tend to have big feet?). there is a bit of crying and impatient mother comments and we leave the store with two pairs of flats i promise myself will never leave the shoebox. they do, and i learn very quickly at the bus stop that it just isn't cool to wear old lady flats with white sweat socks no matter what kind of challenges are up against my feet. my sissy's prom 1996: kelly and i walk into cathy jean of mission viejo to look for shoes. kelly, being one quarter of an inch smaller than me shoe-wise and very aware of the stigma that comes with having size 10.5 and 11 feet respectively, sheepishly asks the 5-foot-3 meanie 16-year-old if they have size ten and a half. she looks at kelly's face. she slowly eyes down to her feet and back up again. "no," she says, in that tone of voice one would reserve for a two-headed lady asking if there's a discount for buying hats in pairs. so i buy shoes online. i buy through catalogs. i pour over sales racks where i can nonchalantly stand in the size 9 stand and peek at the '10 and over' rack a few feet down. i found the wonder of men's shoes and nursing shoes and living in an area where there are large-footed ladies (the mission in san francisco: no. oakland: yes.). i get lucky every once in a while. in my closet there is a pair of wacky high-heeled black mary janes. i got them at mars and am fairly certain they once belonged to a drag queen because they are rather roomy and too sassy for my large-footed cohorts i think. but the thing is. they make me feel like a drag queen when i wear them. and i walk like a drag lady when i wear them. and. i want pretty shoes, damnit. so today i will scour the discount shoe stores. i will think about going to a department store but change my mind quickly when remembering that a)one must utter one's size aloud to the well-meaning yet altogether intimidating salesperson, b)one must open oneself up to the possibility that said salesperson will do the dreaded foot-once-over and sympathetic shaking of the head, c)one must sit in a fancy chair and have said salesperson help put the shoe on my size 11 feet, which at the moment are wearing egregiously mismatched socks and are bound to spontaneously combust at the foreign weird-out touch of a stranger. oh feet. but the record i find the reason i am such a wondrous tap dancer is because of these feet. my times step will give you effing chills. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |