2003-12-15 || 10:16 p.m.

|| and his middle name was danger. ||

most memorable moment of last night: sitting in a bar three doors down from the old flat at a table facing a very drunk archenemy of years past. odd social situation (full of ghosts! phantom memories! years and years of various living situations aligning to reveal too many connections to be denied!) + alcohol + the lack of open chairs and he is leaning toward the table, wrapping and unwrapping his skinny scarf about his head until it tangles somewhere between his nose and glasses. i can smell his breath, slightly vomity, and his eyes are glassy and lolling around, not quite ever focusing on me. i tell him i see him all the time on the street but never know how to proceed: it's that terrible thing that happens on my account of feeling invisible and unworthy of the recognition from a scene elder (tongue in cheek, i swear it.). he says he remembers. he brings up all the details from circa 1997 that i had no idea would make any kind of dent. he introduces himself twice and we somehow tumble around a topic of common friends and what was the fall out that made us un-chummy. that has kept me from making direct eye contact. that has kept his face all blank in those times in crosswalks when i decide to smile to see if there is a respose (negative). but somehow last night, as he shoved my empty glass off the table and leaned far back trying to stave off the spins, we agreed on a half-hearted friendship. although you'd shake your head disapprovingly if i told you who it was.

and confidential to the bland one: calm down i'm not makin friends with the meanies. i'm still dedicated to the wall flower cause. i am raising my fist in solidarity.

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