2005-06-27 || 9:20 p.m.

|| nothin but slim jims and tang. ||

i am back in portland, delicately held together by my sister's visiting and the surreal disorientation of being unemployed. we were sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and i called the temp agency to announce my arrival back in town and readiness to work, and they were unimpressed.
i am to call next week.
after a brief money-related anxiety attack and a stop-trippin talk from my sister, i felt okay again. although there will be changes. no more $50 grocery bill for one homemade dinner. soup is real good. indulging in hoomemaking accoutrements is not. driving up and down the west coast is also most likely not wise, especially when considering the horrifying costs of gasoline and espresso.
at the moment i am writing a cover letter to submit with my resume for a job. a very appealing not at all "i am merely applying to this because i must make the ends meet" job. in the hour since i first found the ad my mind has knitted the sweetest scenario of engaging work and friendly co-workers and coffee at a desk in the morning and walking home across the bridge at night. i am horribly stuck with the cover letter. i have lost the ability to write complete sentences. i would like to watch napoleon dynamite instead (i only bought it tonight because kelly doesn't feel well and as doting big sister/good will - good vibe ambassador, it is important to make purchases such as one (1) napoleon dynamite DVD, new; one (1) DVD player on which we are to watch said DVD (technically michael paid for the DVD player. please do not look at me like that.); one (1) copy of In Touch magazine; and one (1) copy of crossword puzzles, ranging from simple to difficult. i justify these purchases in this, a dry impoverished climate, by pointing out that i did not purchase those two shirts from the red light today, although i tried them on, was satisfied by their fit and general appearance, and walked around the store for ten minutes holding them to my chest like i had every intention of buying them.).

i need to write more about going to san francisco.

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