2005-09-23 || 11:50 a.m.
|| best lady friend. ||
meowsy's in the clinic and i don't think i'm going to see her again and it is breaking my heart thinking about the look she gave me before i left, how the vet didn't think to let me give her a kiss, how she's being poked and prodded right now and doesn't understand. i made a terrible scene at the reception desk. the ladies just looked at me, asking what was wrong with her with meow's chart in their hands. liver disease. the doctor showed me her jaundiced gums. there was talk of feeding tubes and a catheter and on-going treatment and i just couldn't understand what the doctor was saying so i let him take her.
and i just got home and there's her cat hair and her favorite sitting spots and her food. and right now i'm supposed to be just about ready to go to my bus stop. right now she's supposed to be sitting on the plaid couch fighting off my daily before-work kiss goodbye.
the thing is this morning i had a hard time deciding to take her. she slept with me last night and even did the early morning wake-up pawing that she hasn't done in weeks. she followed me around from room to room and she purred and when i took her from her sunny spot i didn't think to lie with her for a little while.
this is the first time i've been completely alone in this apartment. not having her to call to me. this is the first time i've been completely alone at the places i call home for 5 years. just knowing she's there, you know? with that mean little wink she has.
meowsy on wednesday.
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