2005-12-04 || 6:39 p.m.

|| i would otherwise erase this but haven't written in a while. ||

putting my faith in the power of positive thinking. noticing how more vital it feels to hug in the kitchen and walk home hand-in-hand amid empty promises for snow; trying very hard to curve midnight thoughts around the good and constructive, but finding it still keeps me up and i still have nightmares.
things to worry about; things to fit into the model of peace:
1. living with the man in my past present and future
2. shifting pieces around to better suit my job (slow down. take a breath. prioritize. make lists. walk outside and let it go.)
3. taking action on the cast of characters haunting me in my hours of slack*.
4. calling the people i miss in a slow-burning heartbreak way: making sure they know i am thinking of them constantly even though i am not following through on getting in touch.

*activities in hour of slack include:
1. letting the ladycramps get the very best of me.
2. taking refuge under blankets on the couch.
3. yelling at he who fetches ice cream and tampons but brings home action movies (i hate action movies.)
4. feeling guilty about being ungrateful but too proud (bratty) to admit my blunder.
5. hiding under blankets in bed with an american in paris and crying over the fact brian sent it to me with the assertion it is a documentation of a world most suited for me. (he was right. and how did he know about my childhood obsession with leslie caron?)
6. keeping to other rooms not featuring the defeated presentation of action movies.
7. considering ice cream for dinner.

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