2000-10-15 || 02:51:24

|| you seem to have caught me at a bad time. ||

maybe this is a girl phenomenon: standing in front of the mirror alone, twenty-five minutes late, counting off the things i hate about myself-- every article of clothing i own, my shoes (or lack of), my hair, my face. crying over it and then feeling stupid about crying. catching myself in the mirror in a panic and trying to get a grip, but now i'm thirty-two minutes late but my closet is still full of those clothes and my hair still looks dumb and i still can't figure out how to get myself together for the party/dinner/outing/whatever.

tonight i freaked out. it's the full moon or my plummeting self esteem or pent up frustration or goddamn hormones or the way my day went... i don't know... but it's so embarrassing to admit that i get like this... so amazingly petty and worked up into such a frenzy that i was two minutes away from calling the whole thing off and spending the night pouting in my pajamas or cutting all my hair off and not bothering to clean up afterwards, so all those red clippings in the sink could serve as a gentle reminder of what an idiot girl i am.

i feel better now, promise. it's scary how up and down i get... at least it doesn't happen all that often. it's just when certain components come together and there is this impromptu chemical reaction that makes me absolutely batty. and it's like watching a girl (yes, with bad hair and dumb clothes, mmhmm) in a really bad tv movie.

and i blame it all on the man show and fashion magazines. and my firecrackin hormones. and the full moon. and having big feet. and boys.

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