|
2000-10-17 || 20:54:12 || kansas || every summer kelly and i resolve to move to kansas or texas or somewhere brown where we can live in a little house in the middle of a field of dead grass and work as waitresses. just to get away from everything for a while.. all the variables that connect us to reality. as if that huge network of wires, snarled and knotted and sparking with exposed patches of blue electricity could be so easily cut. and i don't believe i truly want to sever them and run away, but sometimes it seems like it would be so much easier. to cut myself off from the beaten paths (like the grooves the trucks leave in the asphalt) and the corners i always run to. the emails i re-read. the places i think of when i am frustrated and lonely and wishing things were different. my mind is so predictable. it follows the grooves to the same ends, to graveyards in deserted meadows and stretches of highway and patterns of words that meant something to me at a certain point in time. i sometimes feel like the whole network taking up all the available space in my mind is composed of pure memory. chem trails. nothing tangible. nothing with a real spark. i try to re-program the wires, point them in the direction of the present, of the have-not-experienced, of the memories to come i guess, but they all default to dead ends. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |