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2000-11-29 || 16:55:01 || aline i wrote about you right here. || hemm. i'm feeling funny. i think because i've been alone a lot lately. it makes me funny. kind of itchy way down deep in the middle of me. and i obsess over things. last night i was trying to go to sleep and waiting for the rain and it was all silent and i couldn't stand being stuck in my body. listening to everything moving around. all those cells climbing around in my veins and this little pain on the right side that hurts really bad when i push on it. but only when i'm alone. maybe i'm caving in. i had pancakes for dinner last night because there was nothing else to eat. in my refrigerator: bottle of sprite with two tablespoons of flat sprite left. bottle of pepsi with two tablespoons of flat pepsi left. bottle of elderberry sparkling water that my landlady gave to me in september as a consolation prize for going without a mailbox key for a month (the key doesn't work but i'm too scared to tell her.. and what if she wants the elderberry sparkling water back?) with no sparkling water left, just flat elderberry water. half-empty box of goldfish. teabags. jar of bruschetta stuff. i can never open the jar. i have to slam it against the counter and stand in front of the television trying to open it with all my might. it always opens after i decide to call someone to come over to help me open it. but it was my favorite food for awhile, on top of a fake chicken patty with cheese melted on it. old old apples. an old old cup of yogurt. a couple of pieces of salt water taffy that i bought in mendocino a month or two ago that don't taste like anything anymore. so i should go shopping. i listened to norwegian wood over and over and over again last night. it's such a sad song, really. john lennon stayed over last night and slept in my bath tub and i didn't feel a bit bad about it. and last night this old lady named pointsettia showed up in my novel. she drove a big car and when her hands were on the steering wheel her knuckles looked like shells. and last night i wanted to talk to someone but couldn't think of who to call. so i didn't. because kelly is still in costa rica and aline has a cell phone in her purse but she is far away, playing pool i imagine. dear aline, i am sorry i never called you back when i was home for thanksgiving. all the time got taken up and i never got a chance to walk around costa mesa with you like we used to. with our old lady purses and black shoes and silly glasses. remember when we did that once? went to triangle square and smoked clove cigarettes and gave dirty looks to all the dumb boys? because we were glamorous. and rejected everything in orange county. except savers and pacific coast highway and the roller rink. so i hope you are well and i hope you don't hate me. because i cannot fight the wrath of aline lambaren. and you always have the best beauty tips. love love love, jenny guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |