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2001-06-25 || 11:15 a.m. || sunday dismal sunday || the evil chemicals have disappeared as silently as they had arrived, no door slamming, no jitterbugging along in the bloodstream, no twitches or shakes or funny tastes in the mouth. and i feel much better. much more clearheaded. no more of that pinpricking in the back of my mind that was prodding me to cry about everything. the world is still spinning at the same pace, jenny. gravity still works. there were two phone calls this weekend. michael-owen. from payphones in various places. down the street from a house show. from a library perhaps. they punctuated my awful sunday. sunday: wearing my beanie even though it is technically summer to grace bakery with mi novio to get sassy coffee drinks and luscious pastries. sitting outside in the sun. watching freckles appear on his lovely face. driving to thrift town, finding marvelous pillowcases but niothing else and leaving empty-handed, smoking cigarettes on the freeway on the way back. sitting on the floor with meow meow for hours on end reading old old journals (i am looking for passages to include in a zine i am hoping to make. i realized i am class A dork number one and anything out of those journal will blow my rep.) and old copies of optic nerve. talking to meow meow and forgetting she's not going to answer in complete sentences. watching antonioni's 'blow up' with my full attention this time because i want to get it. i don't get it. taking a bath and reading cortazar's 'blow up' in the tub to see if it will help me to get it. it makes matters worse and i consider folding the pages into sailboats to float in the tub. talking to michael briefly on the phone while composing a typewritten letter to him in my head. feeling a bit choked up. driving to safeway to buy secret ingredients, realizing i have not been to a supermarket earlier than eleven pee-emm in a very long time and am overwhelmed by all the people. children and pregnant ladies and bachelors in the produce section. feeling very shy and frightened and blushy all of the sudden and apologizing profusely in line for running away for a sec to grab brown sugar. making cookies and promising i will give most of them to chris. eating too much dough while watching king of the hill. eating cookies for dinner. lying on the bed with meow meow, trying to draw, meow meow plopping herself on the drawing pad and biting my hand whenever i go to pick her up. deciding it is not worth the scratches and inherent frustration and give up to watch more television. waiting for the phone to ring. talknig on the phone to hear there's another call. not answering it. listening to messages to find that it was owen sounding reassuring and happy. missing him very very much and remembering him driving the van and me in the passenger seat. feeling very very guilty for leaving the cat in the dark to fly along the freeway to chris's house. arriving all grumbly and disheveled, armed with ziplock bags of cookies, curling into a ball around him on the living room floor to complain about my awful sunday. guestbook || notes || archives || profile || photos || d-land |