2001-09-03 || 7:26 p.m.

|| monday in san diego. ||

monday: waking up for the second time in a row to the cock-a-doodle-do at the beginning of the beatles's 'good morning' (kelly puts on that record to wake me up. i love kelly.) going out to breakfast at the hob nob with kell and anthony, lying on grass across the street to watch old men walk by and airplanes take off until our name gets called. taking the anthony signature date-tour of san diego: coronado bridge around the park up the 163 the lookout at point loma. not feeling awkward talking about art and his dad who died and scary marriage and being boy/girl crazy. listening to the velvet underground over and over again. stopping at his house to look at his paintings and drink noon-time beer and listen to revolver while attempting to stalk his neighbor/crush. hanging out at gelatovero for hours on end, meeting all kinds of new boys. cute ones. who know all about me, thanks to kelly siter love talk. damn. i do the same thing. but it feels blind datey. 'i've heard so much about you' (thinking: 'hrm. i thought you'd be cuter?' i cannot make eye contact. am afraid to talk. resort to reading books and writing in my journal and disappearing, wallflower-like.). daunting. sneaking looks at them in the mirror, catching looks back. beginning to like this san diego place, city of New and Cute Boys. sitting inside with anthony. sitting outside with anthony. sitting outside with one of the boys and watching traffic and airplanes and talking about books and dating/sex by way of some crazy analogy using horses (i.e. 'pony rides.' i.e. 'saddle sore.' actually i just listened to this. i didn't talk. i just imagined my vast horse collection at home but decided not to bring it up.). drinking too much coffee and smoking too many cigarettes and feeling rather wound up but quite good and excited. new. waiting for kelly to get off work. trying to figure out what to do. getting back to her apartment to find that we have locked ourselves out. assembling a small crowd to watch as we break in through the window.

that's where we are right now. kelly is in the shower and the cats are chirping at far away outside things. the neighbors across from us are drunk and loud, their voices falling on our porch and drifting into the living room.

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